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The ‘5th Blog’ : A satire on my blogging

Prime Time News:

A very Good Evening to our viewers from all across the globe. As you all know Tonight will be a very Special Night.  In a short while from now, the highly acclaimed and respected Blogger, Mr.V, will tell the world about his much awaited 5th Blog post. By publishing his fifth blog post, Mr.V will earn the prestigious WordPress  5 blog post Award .

The award which would etch his name in the hallowed Blog of fame .

The award which would guarantee Mr.V, a seat in the pantheon of Blogging legends.

The award which enables Mr.V to reach the pinnacle of Blogging.

The award which all Bloggers would dream to receive, but only the very best receive.

His wildly popular blog titled ‘TheVSquare’ has captured the imagination of millions of people and has inspired many to take up a career in blogging. It has spent an astonishing 60 consecutive weeks on top of the New Blog Times Best Blogger List and has earned countless  accolades from various distinguished luminaries in the field of Blogging. He first shot into fame with his blog on why he quit Facebook. It was an instant hit that inspired millions of people to follow suit. So much so that Facebook lost its numero uno place in Social Networking sites in a matter of days.

He is also a renowned author. His inspirational self-help book titled “Blogineering your way up in life”  has become the Bible for all Bloggers. His other books: ” Blogonomics” and “Super Blogonmics” are critically acclaimed and are a commercial success worldwide.

Mr.V comes from a family not particularly well-known for their Blogging. He started blogging at the tender age of 19; a time when most of his friends were busy Facebooking and Tweeting. He graduated summa cum laude from the prestigious Doomed School of Blogging where he received the distinction of being the Best Outgoing Blogger of his batch.

Over to our correspondent Mr.X who is standing right at the heart of The V Square where Mr.V will address the world from his plush office.

Mr.X:

As you can see, thousands of fans and followers have gathered here at The V Square. There is a frenzied atmoshpere and people are vociferously expressing their support of Mr.V. Chants of “Yes V Can” are reverberating throughout the entire square. In addition to the festive mood, a sense of anticipation and palpable tension grip the emotions of these followers.

I have managed to get hold of a middle aged working professional who follows the blog, for a quick word.

“Though I do disagree with some of Mr.V’s blogs, I admit that he always offers a unique perspective in his blogs.”

Lets see what this teenage boy has to say:

“I am really inspired by his blogs. Every time I feel low, I read one of his blogs to get motivated. They offer me a lot of positive energy.”

Oh and there is Mr.V who has entered the balcony of the top floor of his office. He is waving and showering kisses to all his followers standing ten floors down and is greeted with rapturous applause. He leans over the balustrade and displays the famous “V” sign with his fingers. The crowd go crazy.

As Mr.V adjusts the mic, there is pin drop silence.

“I had a dream. That one day I would receive this prestigious award. That one day I would join the fantastic, and legendary bloggers as recipients of this award.  As I stand here, going to reveal my fifth Blog topic, I dont know how to describe my feelings.

It has been a fantastic journey. From my days at Doomed School to today, I have enjoyed every bit of my journey. It has taken years of toil, dedication, inspiration and perseverance to write 5 blog posts.

It’s a great honor to be bestowed upon this award. It would not have been possible without You. Each and every one of you are a reason for my success. Without your unending support, I would not have come this far.”

The crowd enter into a vigorous applause which interrupts his speech. Certain supporters cannot control their emotions. Silence resumes.

“So, my dear followers, allow me to reveal my 5th blog post.

My fifth blog will simply be called  “The 5th blog.”  This is the fifth blog. What is happening now is the fifth blog.”

The crowd erupt in a frenzy. Some wave their t-shirts in air, while some enter into a vigorous chant of  “Yes V Can”. But oh wait a minute. It seems certain people are not happy with what has just transpired. Some are yelling abusive chants at Mr.V. While others are beginning to walk out of the Square.

Happiness.Drama. Anger. Controversy.Confusion. It’s all happening at the V Square.

A few hours later:

While Mr.V has revealed his fifth blog topic and has received the award, there is no doubt that it has been marred by controversy. The announcement has divided the opinions of his legion of fans. Some critics opine that Mr.V has lost his creativity in writing blogs and that the fifth blog was written solely for the aim of receiving the award.Many of his die-hard followers have told us that they feel cheated by this blog. They say that they never expected such a ‘selfish’ action by Mr.V who is known for his inspirational blogs. Some have even called for his ostracism from the exclusive Blog of Fame. There are also many supporters who support Mr.V’s decision about the blog. They say that it was a masterstroke from the great and that he is at the pinnacle of his Blogging and this decision highlights his creative prowess.

So in the end it is up to the viewers to air their opinions directly to Mr.V, to elicit a response. They can do so by commenting on his infamous ‘5th blog post’.

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Why I am phasing out of Facebook

“Oh please! Dont joke” said one. “I bet you will come back tomorrow” said another.”I have tried to quit many times, but could not resist coming back. I’m sure you would too.” said one more. These were the reactions of some of my friends when I had told them that I would be quitting Facebook.

All these  responses strengthened my resolve to quit fb. However I decided not to delete my account as I did not want to lose my network of contacts which I had established . So one day I decided that I would not log in for as long as possible. But I simply didn’t last. The very next day, I jammed in my Id and password and practiced my routine of checking my notifications, analyzing friends profiles and harvesting my farm.

Facebook says it provides a great way to connect and keep in touch with friends but it has made me feel more disconnected. I realized that it had made me much more self-obsessed. I felt the need to be watched and admired by my peers on Facebook. In fact my online life revolved around the need to be more ‘liked’ and get lots of  ‘comments’ on whatever I did on Facebook. I have spent hours thinking of that ‘ultra cool status’ ,boasting my iPad,  describing every detail of my visit to a cricket stadium, just for the cause of popularizing my online image.

Little did I realize, that Facebook is a place infested with millions of attention seekers like me.  Everyone wants their ‘share’ of  online fame. From displaying photos with celebrities to posting their near perfect GPAs, everyone are trying to sell themselves for a couple of ‘comments and likes’.  Finding out that I constitute just a small portion of others lives in their journey to become more popular made me feel lonelier.

But quitting Facebook altogether is virtually impossible.

All information regarding my college such as schedule of classes,  fees, results are being updated on my college Facebook group on a regular basis, tips from seniors regarding placements and further study options keep pouring in, and even the Director sometimes addresses the students through Facebook. I would also like to say an occasional ‘hi’ to my childhood friends just to stay connected with them.

Having already failed in trying to quit Facebook; I have decided to gradually lower my usage on a day to day basis so that I wouldn’t experience the strong desire to log back in and check my notifications and see what others are up to, until I use only my mail account to check notifications regarding my college and keep in touch with old friends.

(P.S – I will be using Facebook to promote this blog).